Working hardcore on the book lately. Seems like doing that and going to the gym are the only things I do anymore.
I've noticed the inevitable decline of creepster e-mails from Craigslist and I'm quite happy at this point. I was getting some real idiots. I just don't understand why you wouldn't put your best foot forward in writing to someone you think is cute/hot/right for you. Instead you arse it up and wonder why no one ever gets back to you.
Anyway, in celebration of being done with Craigslist personals, I'm posting the best of the best of the best to amuse not only myself, but my lovely friends out there.
Some have pictures.
Who needs spelling when I have GOD?
Subj: Wrong places right places whos says?
You are a very lovely young woman, very cute with a hot and radient smile. You will not have any poblems I think in finding a young men to have interest in you . You have a great weekend and GOD bless.
Just your average Asian...
Subj: Maybe Lynnwood would be the right place?
I saw your ad on craigslist, and wanted to write to you, hoping for a response. I'm 27, from Lynnwood, 5'10" average-shaped Asian male... and an apparent fondness for parentheses.
I has a spicy Italian sausage; you like?
I am 5`11, have a phd and I am trying to build my career, one step at the time....I was born and raised in Italy, so I have an accent, and many habits of an average Italian...as cooking etc etc I am seriously training to be able to spoil my next girlfriend as much as she deserves, and to make her feel appreciated all the time... and find a great woman I am attaching a pic recently taken, sideburns are fake, but I can grow them if you want
Pining for Portland and a Big Mac
Some mroe about me...well I have so much so you will have to ask, a breif snippet..I am originally from Detroit, Michigan been living here for 2 years (this year marks my second) not a huge fan of Seattle but then thats why I visit Portland! I also love photography. I am currently unemployed looking for work. I have attached a pic to this e-mail of myself, let me know what you think.
Everything you want, baby
hi there my name is Thom
I live in Everett Washington and i would love to talk to you :) and ive added on a pic of myself so that you can run away screaming :P im gonna go play some rockband 2 now....oh and my hair is longer now then in the picture quiet a bit longer haha
This one proceeded to e-mail me on FOUR different occasions, always saying "heehee I already mailed you and you never got back to me, but figured I'd try again."
At least he doesn't have a crotch that looks like a wizard's sleeve...
Subj: Yes you are
Craigslist will just end you up with all the crazy guys like me. Hit me up sometime. I'm lonely.
This e-mail was shortly followed by another one from him:
You have really nice teeth. I have hair down to my ass and a giant wizard beard. Other than that I'm everything you'd ever dream of. You should grow your hair out and when it's as long as mine is now I'll cut mine. =-) I could give you butterflies in your stomach, but probably not in the positive/romantic way you're hoping for.
Military men like to pick fights
Then there was this guy...
I'm sorry, you wrote too much so I didn't read much other than 5' 3" and a pudgy midsection. I have to say that is attractive. That's what makes me want to write to you and maybe meet you in person some day. By the way I think you misfiled your ad.
Knowing where this was going, I asked "Where should I have filed it, hm?"
women seeking women then insinuated that from my pictures, I looked like I was in search of a diesel dike.
I can't be your friend because you don't approve of my abortion
Then I got into a fight with a guy who outed himself as a Christian-Conservative and I told him I didn't think I could be friends with him, based solely on that fact.
I got nothing, and so does he
I want a boyfriend and a job; you can give me both!
Hi my name is: Eric. So, what are you going to graduate school for? (Doctorate or Masters?) Why were you single for so long? (Graduate school?) What do you [regularly] do in your free time? How would you describe your friends? Family? One word (or acronym) to describe yourself.
Then he gave me all of his phone numbers and websites.
Er, who said I was going to grad school?
Fat man finds humor in own ass crack
ok first off i think that you are te coolest person ive ever read about online... except for elvis...long story there... i hate spending nights at home wishing something cooler would come along. not a huge bar fan. once a buddy and i went into this gay bar... and i was hit on by so many dudes it was discusting... i didnt think i was that appealing to men. i too am pudgy in the mid section... more so than most. and the only reason i was mistaken for a whale is cause they kept feeding me chum... once again, not my fault. im laid back most of the time, i can wear my clothes to the point where i dont spill out of them... hell im a plumber, and i avoid smiling out the backside.
Subject says it all...
Subj: Cute guy in Bellevue with foot fetish
You are absolutely gorgeous. I have a quick question - Are your feet as sexy and beautiful as your picture? Anyway, as you probably guessed, I've got a little bit of a foot fetish.
Honesty is never the best policy
My name ERick
30 y/o, educated men, 6" tall
I like many things like you, I'm a REAL person, looking for a friendship first, maybe more, who knows...?
W/ good family values, honest, down to earth, loyal, etc...
I'm not very attractive, but the best are my feelings...
Do you want try......?
Been there done that, thanks
Subj: bothell_guy2112 wants you to see a photo
Friends w/benifits? damn you are fine
I'll take stubbly throats for $400, Alex
When it came through my e-mail, his forehead was cut off and all I got was a throat shot.
ill just start with a picture
A mother's love
Subj: I would love to introduce you to my son
He need someone like you, not like the barbie doll high-maintenance beeeeyotch he has been bothering with.
Not getting the hint yet
So, I tried sending you a message last week, but never heard back from you. I'm not sure if I'm too old or you just weren't interested and thought I'd try again.
Over-emphatic Seattle Asian strikes out at the plate and no ladies and gents, we're not talking about Ichiro
Helloooo, how ist going....yea, lets hang out sometimes, and get to know each other...maybe we can be a friend, or more...who knows!!!!!
Who wants to bet he just woke up?
I am 23, 6'4", laid back, fun, in shape, smart and sweet. Would love to hear back from ya, I'm definitely down to hang out and see where things go.
I like longs walks on beaches and never use periods
Subj: friends =)
heya im 27 filipino from northgate area i currently work as a nurse ands part time for the election ballot printing company....Im down for making new friends since u tired of dating short guys hehehhe im 5"4" only but lots of fun so i would like to get to know u and be friends......well hope all is well and i have a myspace also if u are interested nice pics and loving the hair
He's going for facetious; it's not working
Is there any possible way to get past the douchebag thing? Because I am a huge douchebag and all, luckily you included that so I didn't get my hopes up too much. BTW.....yer purdy.
I had made a comment about douchebags need not apply and I am looking for a guy that compliments me and not in a "yer purdy" kind of way.
Everything you want, and MORE
From Thom - the one who e-mailed me four times. This was his fourth.
thrid times a charm replying to you? haha
hi im thom...again
i am everything that you just listed :D
The French are decent? Since when?
I was browsing craigslist and ya most guys looking for a piece when they get on there but i have been looking for someone to enjoy lifes simple things with and was curious if you would be interested. I am 24 african american / french decent male living in renton. Attached is a pic let me know if your interested.
I take offense if he not in military
Subj: Oh my...
Damn you look like guy! What are you anyways...? I really can't tell your gender. Good luck weirdo. Grow that damn hair out if you actually a girl.
Okay, whose dad is this?
Blonde hair and Blue Eyes...
Take your time sitting on my lap
and tell Me Your Dreams.
Call Me anytime
and I'll tell You
First , something about your ad was cool. I like the way you write and well, this is something I’ve never done before and probably never will again, so PELASE don’t’ be offended, but hear me out.
I guess it’s the rainy weather and my divorce so I’m feeling a little lonely. I’d like to take you out for a nice dinner and/or drinks, and then with some nice music playing, have you sit on my face and grind a little. You can leave your panites on! I just want to feel a woman.
Of course I’d be very generous and it’d be just our secret. I’m 40, a business porfessional, kind I like it that you are younger, its kind of sexy and I am VERY respectful and fun and easy going. What do you think? Sorry If I was too brash…
I live in Belltown,
Holy comma crap, Batman!
hey how you doing ? i read your ad and i was quite interested you seem very nice person , I would like to get to know you .I am 25 Egyptian and Somalia 6 ft black hair hair brown eyes 230 5 tattoos , speak Arabic ,Somalia,Urdu and I live in capital hill .I am honest ,spontaneous,patient,great personality ,good sense of humor ,intelligent, pretty laid back,love to travel, sports ,fishing , road trip, foot ball , movies, music especially , ,laid-back,open minded ,camping mostly love the out door , family and friends are very important to me .
- teh best of teh best of teh best of teh best, and so on...